On the John
I couldn’t sleep Tuesday night, having just watched one of the most depressing games in Chicago Cub history. So to soothe my depression I decided to watch some late night TV. As I flipped around in my normal channel rotation, I came to Comedy Central, which was running continuous ads for the latest “Girls Gone Wild” videos. Now, you can only spend so much time watching censored video of chicks taking their tops off, and so I sat there for 15 minutes or so as girl after girl “celebrated” spring break by flashing the camera while drunkenly making out with other girls. Now, don’t get me wrong, I like seeing topless women as much as the next guy, but am I missing something? What’s in it for these girls?
If someone has a sexy body, and they know it, there’s no reason to be ashamed of it. But at what point does “flaunting your goods” make it no more than just that: goods? That’s why I wonder what the “Girls Gone Wild” girls are thinking. Do they think we will respect them more if they show us their tits? Certainly, these girls are not all curves and flesh, and I’d imagine many of them have dreams and aspirations and work hard in school and what not. But if the first and only thing we know about you is that you enjoy getting drunk and then undressing in public — on camera — then all we can assume is that you are just a slut. And for men, (and presumably for women, because there are male sluts as well), hooking up with a slut is like masturbating with a person instead of your hand. In the long run, we know that we want a more emotionally fulfilling relationship, but in the meantime, this is close by, available and easy. The only difference is that afterward, you’re not expected to lie in bed with your hand and talk.
Sometimes it seems like girls think that guys won’t notice them — and consequently won’t speak to them — if they do not go out on the weekends, dressed in tight pants and a low-cut shirt revealing their cleavage on the top, their belly button in the front and whatever little tattoo they decided to get right above their butt crack.
That’s completely ridiculous. Men check out all women, every one we meet, attractive and less-attractive. And women do the same. We’re all checking each other out, and everybody knows that, so the only reason to dress with everything all hanging out is to get a little extra attention. But what baffles me is when girls go out like that and then get upset when guys are all over them. It’s a similar thought to one I had as a kid, watching “Tom and Jerry.” Sluttily-dressed girls complaining about guys drooling over them would be like Jerry wedging himself between the ham and cheese in Tom’s sandwich, salting and peppering himself, and then being shocked when Tom tries to eat him. He’s a cat, for crying out loud. He’s not going to take pity and help Jerry out of the sandwich; he’s going to put his napkin in his collar, sharpen his knife and fork and lick his lips.
In the end, this all comes down to responsibility. Dress however you want, act however you want and do whatever you want, but make sure you can handle yourself and make sure you know how other people are interpreting your actions. And if there’s anything you would be embarrassed about doing, don’t do it on camera.
Copyright 2003, jm silverstein