January 8, 2011: Careful what you wish for

Time to Settle Accounts

January 8, 2011: Careful what you wish for

"Be gone, before somebody drops a house on YOU!"

When we were awake enough to start talking, Carrie asked, “What do you have planned for today?”

“Well, I’m going to unload the dishwasher, and do the dishes we left out last night, and make bacons and eggs, write my story, possibly do an interview if the guys call, and then go surprise your friend at the surprise party.” Realizing those first few items are joint tasks, I added: “And of course, I’ll be doing a few of those with you.”

“I get to help write your story?” she said. “That’s great!”

“I was thinking more the dishes and making breakfast.”

“There has to be an evil witch.”

“In my story?”

“And a princess. And a puppy.”

“These are supposed to be narratives about something that happened.”

“And dragonflies.”

“I don’t think – ”

“And a field full of lilies!”

I sighed. “Fine. Let’s see what we can do.”

“‘Once upon a time…’” she began.

“‘Once upon a time there was a witch named Jane Evil. She was out one morning walking her puppy – ’”

“Wait. Witches don’t have puppies.”

“You’re interrupting. ‘Once upon a time, a witch named Jane Evil was taking her puppy for his morning walk. They were prancing innocently through a lily field, when all of a sudden, the big, bad princess stormed their idyll scene and, like always, unleashed her team of flesh-eating dragonflies upon them!’”

“Hey!”

“‘You’ll never walk in peace! laughed the princess. And off she ran to perform fellatio on all the princes of the land as Jane Evil and her puppy fended off their attackers.’ The End.”

“That’s a terrible story!”

I shrugged.

“What happened to the puppy?” Carrie asked.

“He was eaten by the flesh-eating dragonflies. Jane Evil only barely escaped.”

She gasped. “Puppies aren’t supposed to die!”

“What do you want from me?”

“That was terrible,” she said again. “Let’s do a new one.”

NEXT: A Sunday. (1.9.11) [VIDEO]

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