A long time coming.

Time to Settle Accounts

April 12, 2011: A long time coming.

Sequel to: The Ice Man Cometh.

“So,” I say when I arrive at headquarters, “I got the scoop on the next ice age.”

“From Carrie’s cousin?” General asks.

“Yep. He says – actually, let me just read this to you.” I sit down at the table, set up my computer, and begin. “‘An ice age is when the world has polar ice caps or glaciation, so technically we’re in an ice age right now because of Antarctica, the Artic Circle, and Greenland, etc.’ I guess this is all pretty well known among geologists.”

“Right.”

“Okay, then he says, ‘As far as a widespread global ice age such as the Younger Dryas, those are very hard if not impossible to predict because they’re often the result of a random and dramatic event. So, long story short, we can’t predict the next ice age with any type of scientific certainty.’ Then I asked him what caused the last ice age, what the random and dramatic event was.”

“What did he say?” General asked with nervous excitement.

“I’m getting to that: ‘There are several theories, but the prevailing thought is that warm water current circulation was interrupted when a huge glacial lake called Lake – ’” I pause, struggling with the pronunciation, “Lake Agassiz? ‘a huge glacial lake called Lake Agassiz burst and dumped a crap-ton of fresh water into the North Atlantic.’ And thar ya go.”

“So a massive glacier burst,” General says, recapping, “and the Earth couldn’t properly heat itself…”

“Right, because all of this cold water that was previously in glacial form melted, and it filled the Earth’s water and brought the planet’s temperature way down.”

“Okay, but we could still get an ice age from a random and dramatic event. Like an asteroid, right?”

“That’s the idea. And that’s what some people are worried about with this whole ‘2012’ thing.”

“An asteroid?” he asks.

I nod. “So, when people talk about ‘being afraid of 2012,’ they are talking about three things. One, there’s the whole Mayan calendar thing, which supposedly marks ‘the end of the world.’ Two, there’s this idea that an enormous planet called ‘Nibiru’ is going to strike the Earth in December 2012 – the same time as the end of the Mayan long count – and asteroids, of course, could cause an ice age. And then the third idea is that we are getting closer and closer to the time in which a ‘global elite’ comprised of international bankers and media moguls and occultists, or something, will unify their power and take total control over the Earth’s population.”

“And that would also be in 2012?” General asks.

“That’s the idea.”

“Huh,” he says, and we sit quietly for 30 seconds or so. G turns on his computer.  “Better get to work.”

NEXT: Unorthodox. (4.13.11)

PREVIOUS: Once upon a time. (4.6.11)

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